When Benjamin Franklin flew his kite in a thunderstorm many years
ago, little did he realize how his discovery of electricity would affect
the future of mankind. It ranks as one of the most profound discoveries
of all time, right behind the discovery of beer.
Instead of cringing under a large tree, which obviously is the sensible thing to do in a thunderstorm, Ben's experiment required that he stand in an open field, soaking wet, and fly a kite tethered by a highly conductive copper wire.
The observation of a gentle spark contained within the Leyden jar at the wire's end confirmed to him the presence of electricity. However, he could have just as easily observed (very briefly) a 270 mega-joule lightning strike - the currently accepted way of producing charcoal briquettes. In which case today's "hundred" might have a picture of a smoldering crater circumscribed with the Latin title: "Bangous Grandoribus WhoaMomae". Which means: "Turned into Sub-Atomic Dust Big Time".
Ben was a brave man. He was also a lucky man. If you tried to duplicate his experiment today, you would be arrested for "Reckless Stupidity" or "Channeling Electro-Magnetic Plasma Without a Charcoal Making License".
Both are felonies.
Regardless, his discovery has brought us many wonderful inventions for which mankind shall always be indebted: Artificial lighting, personal computers, the electric chair.
To me, however, there is one invention that stands above all others as the greatest of all time. It is perhaps the quintessential invention of the Modern Era. It is: The Automatic Dishwasher.
You don't need to be an anal nerdy type to know that all "High Tech" items come with their own set of jargon. Typically, this is known as "High Tech Jargon". Among the plethora of esoteric terms associated with the Automatic Dishwasher is the expression "Dishwasher Safe". Through experience I can delineate this term as follows:
Dishwasher Safe:
Also, only use your appliance for its intended purpose. No matter
how great the temptation, NEVER use the "Dry Cycle" of your dishwasher
to cook food.
Men and women seem to have differing attitudes regarding some of these modern conveniences. For example, Jean always washes first, by hand, anything that is going into the dishwasher. Once it is clean enough to be used in open-heart surgery or perhaps a Space Shuttle experiment, then it's ready for the dishwasher.
I, however, never scrape or clean anything that's going into the dishwasher - even if the item is completely incased in food hardened to the consistency of pure titanium. Some might call me a lazy bastard, but what's the point of having a dishwasher if you still have to wash the stupid dishes by hand?
I should point out that a curious phenomenon exists regarding dried-on food. For some scientifically inexplicable reason, dried-on food gets HARDER with every pass through the dishwasher. I know it doesn't make sense. But it's true. (It is a little known fact that cubic zirconia is actually produced by using a mixture of egg yoke, linguine, and a hint of garlic, run through a dishwasher twenty-five times. Discovered by a single guy in Des Moines, Iowa.)
I'm the one who normally unloads the dishwasher. As you might guess, anything showing even a hint of crud stays in for another go-around. (See: "lazy bastard", above.) Those of you who are familiar with "Limit" theory will immediately recognize that eventually, every dish, every fork, every pet, will be sitting in the dishwasher. Each item with its own unique pattern of dried-on food, getting harder and more firmly attached to its host with each cycle through. This is what scientists call a "Deadly Embrace". Whereupon only one thing can happen:
Jean must do the dishes.
Fortunately, I do not need to entice her with an inspirational photo of Benjamin Franklin as an incentive.
An Andrew Jackson does just fine.